Not to sound too dreary. I have a daughter due in a few days and a 4 year old son. I started plotting my life out from this point on.
Me-35, Him-4, Her-0.1
Me-45, Him-14, Her-10
Me-55, Him-24, Her-20
etc,etc. Then I break it down into milestones. When he is 16 and driving she will only be 12 and banned from his passenger seat.
When he is 18/19 and leaving for college she will only be 14/15 and DEAD in the middle of that whole “Girl Thing” I dread so much.
Its these thoughts that keep me constantly worrying and dreading and obsessing about so many issues. Inevitable issues that arent truely worth obsessing about. Instead of enjoying the moment Im dreading the next moment. Instead of laughing and playing along when my Son becomes a PIRATE( arrrg.jpg )I follow him and warn him against jumping off of the chair, bouncing into a wall, tripping on a Hippo! And why?
Because so far, Im a Dad that just doesnt get it yet. Ive been doing this Dad thing for 4 years now and rarely have a day that I feel good, accomplished or proud of. Despite my fatherly failures my son is growing up AMAZING! Smart, great memory, social ( unlike me, hell all his best traits are unlike me ) active, running and jumping. I cant get enough of him. I dont know how to show it yet, I struggle with setting up or completing activities with him. I keep waiting for something to CLICK and set everything on a familiar family course.
Now a DAUGHTER on the way?! The whole -Daddys Little Girl- thing scares the hell out of me. Ive got very little time to get it right and harkening back to my childhood am left to make it all up as I go.
I wasnt sure what direction this blog would take. But my honest feelings and insecurities might ring true with a few Dads out there. I have read many great Dad Blogs and am in awe of what they accomplish and even moreso what they take from their role. Im still learning. Slowly
